Mr Zuckerburg has been in talks with skynet about the new T1000 to be released later next year. Image via CrunchBase
The Internet and Google in particular has become a part of everyday life and stores much of our data and even our contacts with friends. So what would happen if you become Internetless without any notice?
The Rise of Skynet
One great reason for avoiding online activity is that one day soon our computer systems will become self aware and declare war against mankind. This would also result in most people losing access to the internet as the robots made it impossible for humans to access Google and other services.
It is a well known fact that Facebook founder Mark Zuckerburg began his rise to fame after finding a cyborg arm and head leftover from a time travelling robot. Indeed, the head of the cyborg was his inspiration for creating what we now know as ‘Facebook’.
I Can’t Find Anything!
Imagine the widespread panic if the Internet went down in western nations as people who needed a plumber or a pizza would be left with no way of finding a phone number! The streets would be filled with people wandering aimlessly around trying to find a wifi signal and not knowing what their friends are doing at that moment!
Information would then become a black market commodity and old people that still use phone books and know street names would charge for their services. In fact, only the wealthy would be able to afford an ‘Old Geezer’ GPS unit which is probably better for the poor because in between street directions they show you photos of their grandchildren.
Porn No More!
The greatest fear among western society in the case of an Internet meltdown would be the lack or pornography fro our more socially challenged citizens. In fact, all Western governments have emergency stockpiles of pornographic magazines to stop repressed teens and old men wandering around the streets with unsightly bulges.
The fear being that others who are lost without GPS and Google information will mistake one of the horny old men for an “Old Geezer” GPS and welcome them into the car to “give them directions”. Of course the horny old man will take “give me directions” in a completely wrong way.
Innuendo? In Your Endo!
Worldwide, governments have solid procedures setup in the case of an internet meltdown to prevent drivers getting completely lost and the ever present danger of having no Facebook or Twitter to keep us amused.
The important thing is to have your own emergency procedures set out in case of an Internet meltdown and this includes storing porn, hoarding old phone books and keeping an old person handy for street directions. Also, cache and save as many websites as you can on your computer so you can stop your hands shaking when your internet goes down, while this is like Methadone for Heroin users it will still give you a quick Internet fix.
Related articles
- Facebook Now Scans All External Links to Keep Grandma Safe From Porn (and Viruses) [Facebook] (gizmodo.com)
- 15 Things You Need To Know About Internet Porn (businessinsider.com)
- Will the government crackdown on internet porn work? (guardian.co.uk)
